if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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