I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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