After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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