you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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