Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize