my phone needs a breathalizer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize