Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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