He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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