i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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