If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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