She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize