Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize