cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize