omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize