I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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