I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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