are you so shy because you have an std?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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