You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm always down for nudity.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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