I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Found the puke drawer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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