You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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