Plan B is the new Plan A
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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