I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize