Dual....:-)
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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