He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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