he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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