there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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