I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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