Someone shit on the floor
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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