ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
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You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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