he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize