u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize