I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize