fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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