u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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