I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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