someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize