Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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