Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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