I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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