Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize