my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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