oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize