Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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