We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize