I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
please come you make the beer taste better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize