I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What a dumb baby whore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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