Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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