There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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