ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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