If i come over, it means nothing
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize