I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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